A POWERFUL EXPLORATION OF THE PARENT-ADULT CHILD ACROSS THE LIFE CYCLE. Deborah Cohan’s Welcome to Wherever We Are provides a mature, thoughtful exploration of some of the most challenging questions many adult children face, but struggle to reconcile: Is it still my responsibility to care for an elderly parent who was abusive to me in the past? What kind of caregiver/daughter/son do I want to be when I have every reason to walk away from this person who hurt me? And finally, how can I reconcile my love and rage for a parent who has never owned up to the wrongs he committed? In her powerful memoir, Cohan, who has worked professionally with domestic violence perpetrators, wrestles with these questions as she explores her ambivalent love for the father who was such an outsized figure in her life. Cohan’s father is vividly drawn—both his generous love and his blatant, careless cruelty. I hated him at times yet could also see why Cohan continued to love him. In many ways, he was a caricature of himself—a truly memorable character. What I loved most about Welcome to Wherever We Are is that Cohan has had a lifetime to wrestle with her ambivalence and make peace with it—and it shows. There are no black and white villains or certain answers in this book, just lots of fascinating and compelling shades of grey. For anyone facing the caregiving of a challenging elderly parent, this book is a must read—you will find your own answers as you follow Cohan on her memorable journey.
–Laura Davis, author of The Courage to Heal and Wholehearted: An Unlikely Mother-Daughter Love Story